Pokemon White: No More Soul Draining

...That is, my soul. I feel deader than when I started this game, some 77 hours ago (that's what the save file says). I would have finished three hours ago, but I spent a lot of time running around trying to pick up a final Water Stone. As Pearz sings the Pokemon theme song to me, I continue crying. Moving on.

I would have played a boy, but how was I supposed to turn this down?

A pseudo-review, if you will. (Who reviews Pokemon, anyway?)

...are you really playing Pokemon for the graphics? Seriously? They did some kewl image rendering or something; it basically led to a lot of cutscene-type points in the game that just served to piss me off.

You need to walk that bridge to move to the next city. It takes an hour. Seriously.

It's like when you're in kindergarten (or preschool for those of us whose parents were...different) and you get to hold hands so no one gets lost. Imagine the sun shining, the grass sparkling, and all of you singing in perfect harmony. Add some whistles from time-to-time, like in the movie Drumline, and that's what you're hearing from the DS. I usually had it muted.

I don't have a picture of sound. Instead, look at the disorienting city.

I wish I could take this category, of all things, seriously. I can't. You play to - guess what? - catch 'em all.

If you want to lie and say that there's more, then okay; here goes. It's the same story every generation - you go from city-to-city, usually helping the super-powerful gym leaders with some asinine story (usually involving some Team of the Month with misguided goals of evil) before they let you battle (and beat) them. After 8 times of this occurring, you get to go find the elitist ones to battle (and beat) them. Unrealistically, you coincidentally fight the weakest gym leaders first instead of fighting a lv50 3rd evolution with your lv5 starter. Despite beating everyone in your path, no one steps down from their pedestal and the world continues to revere them while you get seen as the eternal "start-up". How are you able to fight the Elite Four over and over again? Why does the Champion not hand his crown to you after you bash his Poke-nose in? For these reasons and more that I choose to block out lest I get a brain aneurysm, this game is about catching various animals with balls and putting them in PC storage boxes, okay?

Somehow, the male-female versions of the main character can exist at the same time...and be friendly with The Evil Guy.

I made sure to beat the game before starting this post just so I could say that the answer to this question is a firm NONE. Sadly, after having beaten the game, I still can't say it. The difference between "beating the game" and "playing the game" is great; I've beaten it in my first playthrough, but I would probably play it again. In fact, I do have plans to play Pokemon Black after my brain regenerates a little, with a different starter. There will be no "beating the game" with that round, however.

From cup ice cream to cone ice cream to deluxe cone ice cream. Awesome.

By the way, what does "beating the game" mean? I caught every Pokemon possible in Pokemon White, without having friends. I spent a long, long, long time putting some Max Repel on and running around to find shaking grass and bubbling spots. I equipped Exp. Share and evolved anything that needed to be evolved. I enlisted the help of the Daycare Couple to breed me some eggs to get a pre-evolved form of any Pokemon that had it. I actually finished the game around 40 hours in; the rest was to calm my obsessive need to do it right. I'm almost glad I have no DS friends; I can finally put this thing down and still think that I did it all.

One may wonder why I even played this game when everything I've said makes it sound like I hated every moment of it. It's simple: obsession. Back in the day, when Pokemon was actually new and unique, I played it. I've played every generation up until now, despite the obvious re-packaging of the same thing over and over again (Heart Gold, Soul Silver, explain yourselves). It's pretty simple. Anyone that has played Pokemon before and developed an unhealthy desire to keep going will play this as soon as they can get their hands on it (if that means actually buying the game for some, okay; most of us will use emulators and flash cards). There is really nothing about this Generation V world that will bring in new players.

There actually was a Ferris Wheel scene in the game. It involved a lot of heartfelt loving talking,

This needs to be addressed. This generation, I think, provides, hands-down, the most allure to fangirls. I played as the girl and there was so much hinting that N, the leader of Team Plasma (which was the requisite bad group; who cares what they stood for?), had a thing for the main character. I'm curious as to what would have happened if I played as the boy; common sense tells me that N would have come on to me just as hard. This leads to a lot of crazy fangirl material, hm? Like here. And here. And plenty of BL here. There's a lot of potential for triangles; the main characters has a female best friend and a male best friend (and can be male or female themselves, so...). N seems to not discriminate between men and women. I'm not even a fangirl, and I can already come up with these angles; I can only imagine what real fans would do. I see Pokemon fandom getting a very unnecessary boost from this.

Once again, I think it would attract more people if it actually looked like this.

tl;dr: Pokemon B/W is nothing new; people will play it because they usually play Pokemon or they won't play it because they usually don't play Pokemon. Fandom should be happy with all the new material. I'm sick after spending a good chunk of these previous weeks catching them all. Pearz knows and sings the Pokemon theme song. The end.

I'm totally playing the next "remake", sadly. Sparkling Diamond? One-of-a-Kind Pearl? We all know it's coming.

~Aaro off